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The Real GOOD Loser, A Story That Could…
Chapter Twelve: Common Sense
“I think if you dream it, you’ll do it.”
—from the film Elvis
*
Rising from her slumber—like a sleeping soul rising from the dead—Candace speaks. “I still can’t believe you made me a character in one of your stories, Mr. J.”
She looks at me from behind that mask she’s wearing. I haven’t completely broken through that shell of hers yet, but I’m working on it.
“Well,” I say to her, “if you weren’t gonna talk in my class I decided to make you talk in my story instead.”
Week nine of this 2020 school year has us sitting in class for some In-Person-Learning. All four of my students are in attendance; Lauryn, Nel, Pras, and Candace. It is Monday and we are discussing the story about worry I shared with them prior to the weekend. Miss Lily is joining us for class this week as well.
We were just talking about Facebook. They all laugh at me because that’s the only social media platform I use. For some reason I keep getting fed inappropriate or stupid stuff and asked if anyone knew how to stop this from happening. They weren’t much help but had some interesting theories about why I was being fed such stupid an inappropriate things.
“What are using to phone to look at Mr. J?” Nel asked suspiciously after I shared with them some of the posts I’ve been fed. I wanted to know if these students see similar stuff as I’m going to have to start worrying about what my boys are being fed on their phones very soon.
That worry article required a lot of editing on my part. Writing it, I discovered I could write an entire book about worry. I think anyone trying to survive the world today could.
“Is it possible to prove you were right all along?”
That was the question I had originally used to start that article. I explained to these students in front of me how that was the question that had me creating this curriculum in the first place… and how I still worry I haven’t proven much to anyone yet.
“We really don’t need to rush any of this. It’s happening already. You’re happening. You just don’t know it yet.”
I wrote that in the front cover of the journal I was keeping when I was living in that halfway house. Showing these students that journal, I had them all write the same thing in the ones I bought them for this class. I was planning on using just regular notebooks for a journal but with only four students I splurged for some nice ones. I think it was worth it.
Reading to them from that journal I also read this: The young mind worries about its future entertainment, while the mature mind considers its future demise, worrying replaces excitement as we adults are forced to consider how things might fall apart at every turn.
“This is not true for all adults,” I said to them, “but it has been my truth.”
It’s been a good discussion but is now coming to end. Pras jumps in with one last question. “Mr. J,” he says, “was that story your way of telling us to vote?”
Tomorrow is election day. The fact it will be the first time some of these students are old enough to vote has been a hot topic amongst students and staff at school today. I however continue my refusal to get involved in the drama surrounding this election.
“No Pras,” I answer. “Common Sense might have you thinking that, but I most definitely did not write that article for that reason.”
Knowing Pras would love nothing more than to spend this entire class period talking politics, I purposely use the words “common sense” to transition into this week’s lesson.
“Which reminds me,” I say enthusiastically, “would any of you like to learn a sure-fire way to piss someone off?” I pause but don’t let them answer. “I’m gonna share with you three words that will make almost anyone angry. I’ve seen it work on friends. On co-workers. On bosses. Even on children…just like all of you.” I mock them to make sure I have their attention. “Can any of you children guess what those three words might be?”
“Go F*** Yourself?” Lauryn says, not editing herself of course.
In the back of the room Lily laughs. She quickly turns and pretends to sip on her iced coffee while Nel jumps from his seat to give his girlfriend a high five across their desks.
“Its—Common—Sense.”
“What is?” Candace says still laughing at Lauryn’s comment.
“Those are the three words you can say to make someone angry,” I answer. “But Lauryn’s work too I guess.”
Smiling under this mask I still must wear I turn and talk while writing on the board. “Saying these three words to someone is often the equivalent of saying ‘you’re dumb’.”
On the board I write in all capital letters: IT’S COMMON SENSE = YOU ARE DUMB.
“I read Thomas Paine’s Common Sense before that little house fire accident. It was in this little six-inch hardcover book that I just came across at the bookstore one day.”
I grab that small brown book off the edge of my whiteboard to show them.
“I bought this, and another the same size called Rules to Live By that George Washington supposedly wrote. I remember liking this phrase Common Sense and being inspired by how one man’s words could inspire so many people. I have since learned to dislike the phrase, as I see it used to belittle people today. Maybe I’ve become too sensitive, or too soft, or whatever… but I’ve seen these three words start a lot of arguments.”
I continue my prepared lecture.
“Thomas Paine wrote this believing we have it in our power to start the world over again. But in our world today—where everything seems to have a double meaning—I don’t think anything is common sense anymore. Before Miss Lily and I explain what we will be doing in class this week, I want you all to write in your journals your thoughts on this equation I’ve written on the board. Write anything you want but fill one page.”
With the students writing in their journals, Miss Lily puts a handout on each of the students’ desks. The handout is a printed slideshow showing the outline for the week ahead. It’s title page reads, Deciphering Texts:
Slide #1:
Tuesday: Students will be introduced to the “Sarcasm Meter.” Using this meter students will read texts provided and then give scores based on “Intended Sarcasm” and “Perceived Sarcasm.” This ten-point scale will be further explained using examples.
Slide #2:
Wednesday: Students will be separated into groups of two and given pre-written text conversations. Students will be asked to rate each text using the scale practiced on the day prior from two separate perspectives: (1) As the one sending the text, and (2) As the one receiving the text.
Slide #3:
Thursday: Students will role play conversations from the previous day. Each group will work with the other and discuss differences in their ratings after reading text conversations aloud to one another. This should be fun but remember to PLAY NICE!
Slide #4:
Friday: Students will discuss the following question: What have you learned about deciphering text conversations? And how is it relevant to your life? After a class discussion, this one-page report—done individually—will be due next Friday.
Slide #5:
Monday—TODAY: Students will analyze the following text: “How you doin?”
Once I have reviewed the slideshow outlining the week ahead, I let Miss Lily take over. From the back of the class, I watch her write the words referenced in the slideshow on the whiteboard: “How you doin?”
Lily and I stole this phrase from the television show Friends. The students don’t recognize it and Lily doesn’t tell them where it comes from. A character in that show, Joey, used those words as a pickup line when talking to women.
He’d say them with a sexy smile, an eyebrow lift, and a seductively hilarious nod. Miss Lily and I thought it the perfect phrase to introduce this lesson we created.
“What I’ve written on the board seems rather straightforward,” Miss Lily begins. “If I walked up to you and asked you this question, how would you respond?” —Lily walks up to Pras— “How you doin?” she asks him.
Lily and I discussed this introduction and how it would be difficult with us having to wear masks. Watching her now, she is making it work just fine. Looking uncomfortable, Pras responds to Lily’s question. “I’m good,” he says.
Lily can appear intimidating when she wants. A skill I see her using on Pras; who she chose on purpose.
“Psychologically speaking,” Lily says talking to the rest of the class, “when I walk up to you and ask you this question your mind is doing many things. Pras subconsciously processed the tone in which I asked the question. His eyes attempted to perceive the mood I was in when I said it to him. And then, after he responded, Pras looked around the room to see if his response was acceptable.” —I see Pras nod at Lily’s analyses— “We all do this in one way or another, but remember, I’m a teacher and Pras is my student.”
Lily walks over to Pras again, pointing to him and then herself she says, “But what if I was his girlfriend? How would that change things?… Lauryn—What do you think?”
Taking only a quick second to think, Lauryn asks, “Did he do something wrong?”
“Exactly!” Lily laughs at Lauryn’s question and then continues. “Our relationship makes you think there is more to the question. If I was his girlfriend, maybe I’d ask the question differently.” —Lily turns to Pras again— “How you doin?” she says in a lower more concerned tone.
Lily has to wait an extra second before Pras realizes he’s supposed to respond. “I’m fine,” he says.
Without delay, Lily presents the question again, sounding angry. “How you doin?”
“I’m okay,” Pras responds with a nervous chuckle. From the back of the class, I watch Pras bring two hands up to his thighs beneath the desk.
“Nel,” Lily says turning away from Pras, “what was the difference in how I asked Pras that question the first time compared to the second?”
Sitting up in his seat, Nel responds. “It sounded like you thought something was wrong at first but then you sounded mad.”
“Do you get where I’m going with this Candace?” Lily says, turning to her.
Candace speaks confidently. “You’re showing us how a question can be interpreted differently based on tone.”
“Exactly,” Lily agrees with Candace and then turns to the board.
When I told Lily my idea for this lesson, she agreed with my concerns about what texting was doing to us as a society. Verbally, humans can only digest a few words at a time, that can do enough harm, but what we want someone to take from a text is almost always interpreted in a way we don’t intend.
Lily continues.
“On the board is this question: How you doin’? As a class we will pretend it’s a text message someone has received. Our objective today is simple: Fill this whiteboard with as many interpretations as possible. Do not explain why it was interpretated in the way you imagine, just write the interpretation a person might have.”
Lily grabs a marker and says, “For example.” Then writes: Did I do something wrong? on the whiteboard. Moving slightly—so that the students can see what she wrote— she then turns to the board again. “Or” she says before writing: Does this person think something is wrong?
The room stays quiet while Lily prepares to give them one last example. The example she is about to give was the reason we decided she should be the one to introduce this lesson. Turning to the board this last time, Lily speaks louder. “Or…” she says and then writes on the board: Is this person trying to get in my pants?
Seeing what Lily wrote on the board the students don’t laugh but I can see them maybe want to. If I had written it maybe their reaction would be different. Lily lets the quiet set in before acknowledging the uncomfortable nature of this lesson.
“We are all adults here,” she says placing the cap on the marker. “And there are things that will be interpreted that are inappropriate. Mr. J and I have anticipated this and have come up with some doosies ourselves.”
Lily pauses and looks at me with what must be a smile beneath her mask.
“Write whatever interpretations those immature minds can think of,” Lily says turning towards Nel who had just laughed. “But if you take advantage of us treating you like adults, there will be consequences. And with that warning the board is now yours.”
There were many reasons I wanted Lily to introduce this lesson. As the school’s guidance counselor, these students seem to respect and fear her at the same time. I, on the other hand, struggle with the respect thing and will never have the fear thing.
Lily and I watch the students struggle to come up with interpretations at first but soon there’s no stopping them. Her and I eventually join in as the writing on the board gets smaller and smaller.
That lesson served as a great start to the week. It was fun, enlightening, and educational all at the same time. Was a lesson inspired by a television show a waste of these students’ time? I don’t think anyone would say it was.
Working together the rest of the week, Lily was thrilled with how well the students did with the lessons we created. Talking with them about the many ways one can misconstrue a text message was not only educational for them but us as well.
On Friday, Principal Sam even joined us. I told Principal Sam that getting funding will require I show students engaged in this class and that doing things like this will help.
The article I will share with my students this week is hilariously inappropriate. To protect myself—and bring Lily and Principal Sam together at the same time—I gave it to them and had them read it. I thought they might give me a hard time but they both laughed and are now very interested to see how these students will react to it.
I had been posting my articles on Fridays on my website but wanted to build up some suspense this week: “I’ll be posting this week’s article on Saturday night,” I said to them. “It’s worth the prime-time slot in your schedule…trust me.”
*
Article Title: Common Sense
Dated: Saturday, November 7th, 2020
“I’ll be your teacher…. You’ll see a side of love you’ve never known.”
— from the song In My Head by Jason Derulo
One of my objectives here is to prove that a well-crafted piece of entertainment can manipulate the mind into seeing things in the world around it in a completely different light.
On the radio, I heard it said a song had recently hit one billion downloads. Hearing that I couldn’t help but think how that achievement highlighted the significance of entertainment in our world— Could you imagine manipulating the minds one billion people with a song?
I decided to try and creatively incorporate that song into my story for you this week. Stumped on how to do that, I decided to have myself a ham sandwich to clear My Head. It was lunchtime, so I figured…why not?
To truly be alone with myself and my thoughts, I left my cellphone on the kitchen counter and headed to my bedroom to enjoy my ham sandwich in silence for once. While I do find technology useful, it can make finding that alone time to really learn about oneself difficult.
Sitting on the large bed in the center of my bedroom, I found my feet dangling off its edge. The walls around me were covered with posters from a wide range of movies and shows. Sharing this room with my boys, a bunkbed fills a corner of it.
Me and my boys only hang posters on this wall that mean something to us for one reason or another. We’ve nicknamed these walls of our bedroom our Wonderwall. It’s silly, but I gave it this name wanting them to wonder what great things they might do someday.
Looking around the room, my eyes stopped at the poster for that 50 First Dates movie.
On it Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler sat together on the beach. The dorky, yet loving way, Adam was looking at Drew reminded me of my childhood friend who likes to tell people the story of “The Move” I taught him when kissing a girl for the first time…
“Grab both her hands and look into her eyes.”
According to this story my friend loves telling people, the two of us were standing atop a hill as I gave him this lesson. According to him, I grabbed both his hands and showed him how it was done.
“Don’t talk, just smile lightly—Don’t show your teeth,” he claims I said, “it’s not a class photo.”
Correcting his face, I continued my lesson.
“Look for a smile,” I told him. “How she smiles will tell you everything. You go forward or turn and run based on that smile. Pay attention because you don’t want to get that part wrong.”
As I spoke—according to my friend—he gazed into my eyes without a hint of embarrassment.
“If that smile is inviting,” I continued, “slowly bring one hand up to her cheek, like this…” —I let go of one of his hands and gently touched his cheek— “Don’t break eye contact,” I added. “Now, softly hold her face in your hand and move your thumb just a little bit, like this…”
According to the way my friend tells people this story, it was cold that night and so my hand felt warm against his face. Under a moonlit sky I finished my lesson.
“Now, move your hand up along the side—like this…. near her eye—like this…and then brush her hair behind her ear…like this. Then…slowly move in.”
According to my friend I held the side of his face and demonstrated how to gently go in for that first kiss: “The Move,” he calls it.
This funny friend of mine is super-successful now but back then we were just two high school dorks. At get togethers he’ll re-enact everything I just did; uncomfortably touching me right in front of people. Everyone loves him and so I just play along with an awkward smile on my face. I’m just a prop to him.
When my friend is done telling people this story, he’ll throw an arm around me and repeat some silly words he claims I said that night: “If you want someone to love you, get in their mind first—that’s where true intimacy lives.”
That word intimacy didn’t even exist in my vocabulary as a kid. Why he adds that part, I have no clue. To end this little show, my friend says the same thing every time…something that always gets people to laugh.
“I tell ya—” he says squeezing me tightly in one of his strong arms, “this sexy son of a bitch right here is a Bona-Fide Vagina Whisperer!”
Sitting alone in my room; with my feet dangling off the edge of that bed, I couldn’t help but laugh remembering my good friend’s exaggerated story about me.
Looking at that poster, while enjoying my ham sandwich, I attempted to refocus on the task in hand. That’s when the eyes of that actress stole my attention, and my mind woke up as something inside of me came to life…
“A girl and a zombie.”
A line from that song in the Disney movie I watched with my son the night before entered my mind for some reason. “Someday.” At this one word I felt it start to grow—that feeling of hope. Thinking that word “Hope” to myself—I felt it grow some more.
Finishing my ham sandwich, I cleaned up and jumped from my bed excited to get to my writing. Walking up to that poster on the wall; feeling giddy about the idea this actress had just given me, I kissed my four fingertips and reached up to that poster: “Thank you my dear,” I said touching Drew’s postered face.
Turning away from that poster, I grabbed the napkins off the bed and headed to the door. That’s when I faced two questions I wrote and placed on that door a long time ago: “Are you sure?” and “What am I doing?”
I placed those questions there to practice mindfulness. It was a suggestion in some book to hang them somewhere I would see each day. Looking at them in that moment, a concerned voice from inside my head asked a question: Are you sure you should do this?
In the past I got excited to run out a door like this with ideas I thought were exciting—or meaningful—or funny—or inspirational—or so many different things. My mind often did this to me. It gave birth to these ideas that I thought were great and so I’d want to share them with the world. But too often I’d simply get myself in trouble.
Would this get me in trouble?
On the other side of this door was the real world. Full of anxiety and fear. Full of judgement and ridicule. It is not the world that exists in my mind—I must constantly remind myself of this.
Debating whether or not I should do it, I again laughed to myself and the idea: It’s too good, I thought, it’s gonna be hilarious.
“Just do it!” I said out loud staring at the door in front of me. “What’s the worst that could happen?”
Grabbing that handle, I turned it deciding I was ready to face the real world that waited for me on the other side: Ready or not, here I come, I thought.
In that moment I was grateful for my other childhood friend who came up with That Code. That Code me and my friends used in high school to inform one another that we were enjoying some “alone time”.
We used those words, That Code—Ham Sandwich—with our parents and laughed at them unknowingly. It was That Code we used to secretly tell one another that we were…well…masturbating.
Dear Class,
Wonderwall by Oasis was the song that had been downloaded one billion times. It was not the song In My Head by Jason Derulo. The entire story you just read was a FAKE depiction of me…well…having a ham sandwich.
I just used a piece of entertainment to manipulate your mind into seeing things in your world in a completely different light—You’ll never think of a ham sandwich the same.
I apologize if my story has disturbed you in some way but let me remind you that last week you all got mad I wouldn’t let you watch the movie Saw in class for Halloween. Feel free to watch that movie to restore your mental sanity if needed. What one finds “disturbing” is a matter of perspective. One way or another, I’ll teach you that.
Sincerely Yours, With Love, Mr. J. … See you all on Monday! :0)
WEEKLY QUESTION FOR REFLECTION:
If you discovered a pill to cure hopelessness, would you sell it or give it away for free? In your journal answer this question and explain your reasoning.
The Teacher’s Playlist:
Wonderwall by Oasis
“The word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out.”
*
(End of Chapter 12)
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Recovery High School 